"Okay, I just have to ask...Mom, how the HELL did I get conceived?"
"Well...let's see, I think I have some puppets for that...You see when a Mommy and a...."
"Oh GOD NO! I mean HOW is it possible? The sheer mechanics of it are mindboggling, Dad's a god-damn ALIEN! You two should not be able to reproduce! I mean...Oh bugger, I just went crosseyed"
—Cecil channeling Austin Powers
Cecil FF4DS CG Art
This job pays more.
The First of many bishounen, troubled, and emotional boytoys in the franchise.
He doesn't keep his Dark Knight weapons after the class change and doesn't produce a clone.
He totes the power of darkness, and spends half the game bitching about it, real nice.
His most memorable aspect is...Changing "Jobs". You can do that in real life.
Unless you are in America.
He became stronger by taking off a Helm and putting on purple lip gloss.
Actually, he turned into a level 1 schmuck after changing his job.
Is voiced by Yuri Lowenthal, and while he doesn't suck, he does voices of emos; ie Haseo, Alucard, Sasuke, Derek Stiles. Which makes him sound ANNOYING.
He shares a voice with Ben Ten. Seriously.
Can't use Haste.
He gave up the strongest power in the game for white magic
The stale ass Half-Breed angle was tired well before Terra, but no one seems to notice in Cecil's case.
His father is an alien who abandoned him got killed by rioting humans for some reason.
He caused the death of his mother when he was born, and was abandoned by his brother.
Cecil x Kain will never be better than Sephiroth x *insert random male FFVII character here*
He tells the Black Mage and the White Mage of the group to fucking stay in the kitchen. Let's points the many flaws to this:
A: It's going to be pretty much a sausage fest. B: It's the White Mage's job to, uh I don't know... KEEP THEM ALIVE! C: Why in the HELL would you count on #Edge to do anything more than eat dirt most of the time? D: You're going to be kicking yourself in the ass when you realize that MOST of the enemies in the Lunar Subterrane are vulnerable to Stop. Soul Nomad and the World Eaters.
He reads the magazine Lustfull Lali-Ho
That makes him a pervert....
He is selfish.
He IGNORES his son and best friend!!!!
Kain is more of a father to Ceodore than he is!!
He played match-maker with Firion and Lightning and failed.
People thinks he's so awesome but he's a confused man who betrays people, he can't get a girl, and he is a pawn. What's so badass about that?
Abel's Lance? It's ridiculous.
We all know jump is an excuse to stay out of harms way!
He didn't do anything. All he did was be introduced, leave, show up again leave again and show up at the end.
His spear looks like a fork
His Holy Dragoon drawing.
FACT: Kain Highwind's Holy Dragoon drawing makes him look gay. Even moreso than the girly Paladin Cecil drawing.
I dare you to click to Kain's page and look at that drawing.
Brainwashing is the worst cop-out outside of "It was just a dream!" endings. - Lost Hero
Kain highwind facts suck big time.
He can use White Magic. Seriously, Cecil can use White Magic, Leonora can use White Magic, Fusoya can use White Magic, Izayoi, Edge, and Tsukinowa can use psudo-White Magic, Porom and Rosa are the best at White Magic. Even Ceodore can use White Magic. We don't need more! Especially from Kain! Next thing we'll know, Cid might use White Magic and we don't want THAT!
He's the first emo of the series!
Kain x Cecil will never be better than Sephiroth x *insert random male FFVII character here*
Because his Dissidia 012 character model is creepy. Nobodys chest moves like that when they breathe!
Pink is not a "dark" color for a guy. Therefore, his dark Kain model is terrible too.
Failed to save the world several times, and still has yet to succeed completely several years after the game has finished!!!!
He's too dependent on Sephiroth in order to be even mildly popular.
He has every single mental issue known to man, and then some! Come on, lets count - amnesia, identity crises, existential crises, uncontrollable seizures, multiple personality disorder, geostigma, post traumatic stress and many more.
His hair is stupid looking, and blond. See a trend?
He had 2 girls who were pretty much begging for him. He let 1 die, and he completely ignores the other one.
He at some point was able to go on a date with 3 girls. He went out with a big black man named Bubba Barret.
He is insanely over-powered, and he still cant kill his arch-enemy.
Firing an energy wave from a sword is a super special Limit for Cloud. For almost every "Tales" game protagonist it's like the first move they acquire.
His sword is overcompensating for something, without a pair of balls.
He uses a sword that 2 other guys use before him and someone else can use it better.
His mind keep turning to pudding when ever he even touches mako, yet if Tifa or Zack do exactly the same, they don't even seem fazed. Heros don't need to be pushed around in wheelchairs.
Still couldn't top Yugi in the contest of who gets the craziest hair.
He was defeated by a girl who don't know what love is.
Forever to be unfairly compared to a guy who originally had about 5 minutes of screen time, most of it was optional.
He had to cut his hair so it would fit on screen for the remake
Even AFTER he defeated Sephiroth in FF7, he then fought Sephiroth inside his own mind again at the ending, "won" that battle, and then spent every other game/movie he appeared in fighting Sephiroth AGAIN. You have a big sword. USE it!
Cloud was born a bastard child in a hick town, was ignored by all the kids, never got half a look from the girl next door - Tifa, when he tried to go on a date with her she wound up getting injured and the whole town blamed him for it because they are hicks, decides to join SOLDIER but can't even do that, gets his town burned down (though they were hicks) and his mother killed, watches Tifa and best friend get almost freakin' ripped in two by Sephiroth, then is thrown into a horrifying experiment which makes his mind infected with the cells of an evil alien and gives him a split-personality disorder along with repeated seizures, then watches his new girlfriend get impaled, and then turns out to be under the control of his arch-nemesis... And yet he's a hero?! #Yeah, great reasoning.
Somehow he is even more emo than Squall
He's a whiny little emo punk who spend half of the game moping around, complaining about how he failed to save Aerith, or how someone got hurt, or some other insignificant BS. It's a friggin' war!! What did he expect to happen!? Plus he also took his best friend's identity, except for his name and his past (up until Nibelheim)! Not even Cloud wants to be Cloud!
He killed Aerith. SERIOUSLY THIS IS NO JOKE! There is an entire video on youtube that can prove this beyond all doubt.
He has way too many doubts.
"Secret summon RAGAHIMADADOODOODAA" (who would of thought it's real?)
OH GOD HE'S SO OVERRATED!!!!
He doesn't change one bit throughout FFVII. That's even worse then SQUALL!
Link can beat him!
And he can't beat Link.
Smosh has proven that Cloud would have a hard time picking up his sword.
If Link just gave him the gold gauntlets he picked up in Ocarina of Time, he'd have no problem at all.
He tried to set Squall and Lightning on a date and failed.
Could have avoided a lot of drama in VII had she not sat there and went "What? Oh, ok."
Was trained by a chump, compared to the likes of Yang and Duncan.
Got beaten up by a silver haired momma's boy who was as gay as Sephiroth.
The only reason she wins fights is because of her huge gazongas, Sephiroth and the white-haird pretty boys were able to resist due to their gayness.
Then she got a boobjob (the bad kind) in Advent Children.
They were also fake to begin with.
She doesn't wear a bra under her outfit in Advent Children.The sluttiness just wont go away.
In the original "time with cloud" scene in FF7, they both "spent some time" together in the Chocobo stable in the Highwind. Oh Tifa, you barnyard slut you...Cloud was the receiver and she had the strap-on.
Having sex in the open area like we seen in the final product, is even sluttier.
She really got into *sigh*...a slap fight. Instead of you know just punching Scarlett's lights out.
Keeps chasing after a guy that would rather hang out with a dead girl than her.
Suspenders and a skirt? She's just trying to figure out extra ways to yang up her skirt, isn't she?
Nearly killed several times by at least two different white haired pretty boys, Just to be saved by a white haired pretty boy.
She knows she's going to end up fighting giant mechanical war machines and still isn't smart enough to bring a weapon. Even Aeris brings a Stick to fight #with. "Yeah Tifa, punch the tank. That'll help."
Using a weapon that doesn't even fire projectiles gives him more Accuracy than the Sharpshooter on his team.
He a whiny emo!
May be deaf or dumb or more likely both.
He arrived after VII, and is constantly thought of as a poor man's Cloud.
Worse than Cloud, by the way.
Paine was made because of him
His scar makes him look more emo
He only has one aerial move in Dissidia and it's not even long-ranged (ehem..two to be exact,rough divide is long range)
He's too emo.
Look at his picture above. It looks like he's trying to fuck the gunblade
He got that scar from Seifer. SEIFER!
He overuses his belts
He has the best finisher in the game, but he usually decides to use his shitty 1st level finisher
Leather pants? Are you fucking kidding me?
People think Cloud and that sucka with the impractically long Masamune are compensating for something. Take a look at Blasting Zone and ask who's really compensating for something.
May be a closet homosexual or socially handicapped or more likely both.
Has the worst backstory of any FF hero. "MY SIS LEFT ME ALONE!!! I MUST BE ALONE FOREVER BAWWWW QQ" (that was a little too much.)
is friends with Zell which makes him suck five times more than he normally would have.
his dialouge besides occasionally saying a word or five consists of "..." "Go talk to a wall" and "Whatever."
When a whip-using hot blonde teacher threw herself at him, he told her to go talk to a wall and decided to go for the sweet innocent girl.
His girlfriend is RINOA.
Squall strangely is more Stupid once he believes in The Power of Friendship!
We liked Leon better when he appeared in Final Fantasy II.
His character was ruined in Kingdom Hearts, along with pretty much every other FF character that shows up there.
Always complains that he doesn't want the responsibility of being the leader, yet always readily accepts being the leader. + You know you are worth nothing as a man when someone like Rinoa is the one who clearly wears the pants. He's a sucker who does everything she commands.
He's the beginning of the series of emos in black made by Tetsuya Nomura.
James Arnold Taylor, essentially why people hate Tidus in a nutshell.
No-one knows how to pronounce his name.
He never went explorin with wakka today
He never told anyone about Sin being his daddy, but makes a lot of noises when finding out the other didn't tell him that Yuna will die after defeating Sin.
His thoughts are annoying.
He spends half the bloody game in front of a campfire narrating his life in Spira to people who WHERE THERE FOR IT! (Uh actually he was narrating for you, the audience... I always imagined in a book or a sphere or something.)
Gets hand-me-down swords. The rest are just powerups.
Three words: The "laughing scene".
He walks as if he's captioned in slow-motion
He was a moron before coming too close to Sin
He returned in FFX-2, Kingdom Hearts and Dissidia.
Is there actually a more annoying character? He starts off relevant to the story then just turns into a whiny little tag-along (although i suppose he was whiny in the first place). I mean, Tidus was a little queer boy but i think Vaan brings a new level to it. (he also has the best overall stats...)
One of the only characters who is hated just because he's not very important.
He's Michael Jackson with a bad haircut, and no singing or dancing.
His stomach is disgusting
Don't listen to Ondore's lies!
He's Captain Basch!
He's Captain Basch fon Rosenburg of Dalmasca!
He was dumb enough to get his airship destroyed within the first 10 minutes of revenant wings.
Seriously, what's wrong with wearing a shirt?
Like Zidane #7. But to a greater degree and more hate.
Basically Lenna #1, except replace Lenna with Vaan.
He named the Ultimate blade of the gods Anastasia. He could have named something like something badass like WingSlayer or SkyAvenger but he had to name it #Anastasia
Most new partymembers instantly disliked Vaan. Most new gamers to FFXII disliked Vaan. Coincidence?
Is in the same game with the person whose name sounds like the worst character in Pokemon. No one likes Vaan. No one likes Ash. Coincidence?
He's not as cool as Jaster Rogue. Yes, he sucks more than a walking cliché.
His voice manages to achieve a level of monotony not seen since Squall.
He is a blatant rip-off of Aladdin. And not even a good one.
He auditioned for the role of Aladdin, and ended up being Jasmine.
He somehow looks and sounds better in Dissidia than in his own game.
He doesn't have any connection to the main plot of the game. And his face is girly, with the pink cheeks and all.
He puts his blush on make up before entering a Battle like a gay.
Would have made some dumb decisions if not for a certain "Main" Character there to show her otherwise. Take that Haters!
You KNOW at some point she is going to get overthrown for simply being too annoying.
Sees dead people.
She's a princess. Doesn't that just say everything?
She slapped Basch in the face. How rude. So mean...
All she is after is enough power to mess up the empire. Vengeance so not suits a lady.
In order to leave Bhujerba she first tries to steal Balthier's airship then after this plan doesn't work out so well she make him kidnap her. How low can you possibly go?
Garnet already did it. (see above)
She never gets naked.
You all know what her name sounds like.
Her father's REAL last name was Ketchum.
No matter how she runs or jumps or whatever her undies never get exposed. I mean, how did she do that?!
She wears pant under her skirt instead of an underwear.
Oh, so many ==Reasons: Future queen; dresses like a streetwalker. Pretends to be strong and independent; begs to be kidnapped. Creates the Resistance partly to avenge her recently dead husband; hopes to seduce Balthier (when that fails, she mentions how much she misses Baschy-Basch and wants him by her side, 1 year after slapping him hard across the face).
She has a very huge ass but I'm not sure if that's a bad thing.
Her name sounds like "Ass", Lady Ass!
She lost her virginity as soon as the game start....
Some players mistook her husband with Vaan's sissy brother in the beginning of the game.
The template for her design is a "Female Cloud". C'mon!
Even her name seems to remind you of Cloud. Very subtle.
Her name also reminds you of a certain red car...
Her real name is the same as a certain character from a certain anime character who is weak until she puts on lipstick, and then magically becomes super strong.
Far too absorbed in her mission and WAY too obsessive over her sister. Besides, she suddenly goes from wanting to save cocoon, to ruining the government, to saving it, then ends up trashing Orphan and ruining the government. And just for the record, #7: I know what show you're talking about, and the lipstick is a mental inhibitor put into place by hypnotic suggestion. She did it so she would smash the GOTT headquarters and everywhere else she went by just walking around. And her name is CLAIRE, people. Not Éclair.
Her creator obsessed with her "mai waifu"
More like a man than women
Her creator is so stupid
Her hair...FFIV was released before FFXIII. She totally stole Porom's new hair!
Is basically one of those extremely sexual characters.
All the stupid noises she makes in battle.
Possesses a voice and mannerism that Yuffie, Selphie, Eiko and Rikku would cringe to.
Lies about EVERYTHING.
Angsts about stuff that isn't even her fault.
Because of her, Fang is so one-dimensional and shallow.
Let's see: Coward? Check. Lies to her best friend? Check. Encourages Hope to blame Snow for the death of his mother, even though it wasn't his fault at all? Check. Lies again? Check. More lies? Check. Suicidal? Double Check! Has the nerve to lie for a fourth time? Yup, check. Goes for suicide one more time and succeeds, becoming some sort of hero? Check. Let's not forget that she's a failed attempt at fanservice and has an incredibly annoying Australian accent in the English dub. Did I forget anything?